Sat. Apr 20th, 2019

Chris Chameleon’s ‘Bles Bridges’ post was all a rosy ruse

chirs chameleonDuring an unusual lull in the news cycle, Chris Chameleon spun an apparently elaborate ruse involving Bles Bridges and red roses. Well, no roses.

chris chameleons bles bridges post was all a rosy ruse 1024x853 - Chris Chameleon’s ‘Bles Bridges’ post was all a rosy ruse

chris chameleon 1200x1000 - Chris Chameleon’s ‘Bles Bridges’ post was all a rosy ruse

Chris Chameleon, a triple threat celebrity – known for cross dressing, being melodramatic and singing old timey songs while dolphins piss on him (Ed: we’re using hyperbole here, don’t write in), caused furious competition between three junior online news editors this week.

Chameleon hinted, during a lull in the news cycle, that Bles Bridges, famous for singing old timey songs (but without the dolphins) might be his father.

Chris Chameleon, aka Mulder, perhaps prompted by his own inner turmoil, or perhaps recent lack of opportunities to sing while being pissed on by dolphins, shared a curious story on Facebook.

The emotional, personal and private letter about his road to fatherhood despite growing up with an absentee dad who’s voice he kept hearing in lifts, set fingers tapping.

Chameleon to keep Bridges; identity secret, not once mentioning him by name, but his emotions obviously got the better of him causing him to accidentally post a screengrab of one of Bridge’s album covers, while gently admonishing celebrities for impregnating women without responsibility.

It was then reported by local media that they honestly thought a lack of public response from Bridges daughter, Sunette, in regards to Chris’ post was, in fact, news. It was not.

It wasn’t even news when she did respond, it was just the cold voice of a woman whose heart seems to have turned to stone a long long time ago.

She was quoted by one of the 24.com franchises as saying:

“If Bles Bridges is your dad, congratulations. He is dead. His grave is in Vanderbijlpark. I suggest you take roses. Red ones… and go find your peace there… if there is something like that to be found on this earth.”

The only person who seems to have his head screwed on properly in all this is Bles’ son, Victor, who encouraged Chris to seek DNA testing.

Victor went on to state that numerous people have claimed, at various times, to be sons and/or daughters of Bles but none had ever come forward with the results of the prohibitively expensive procedure that definitely requires the consent, and you know actual DNA, of Bles’s oldest living man child… dun Dun DUN! Victor.

In this original Facebook post Chameleon wrote:

“I have kept quiet for too long”.

Which may or may not be a reference to being pissed on by dolphins.

We here at TSA have conducted very expensive Friday afternoon waaaaaay conclusive DNA testing of our own which involved beer and darts and playing an audio-clip of Sunette Bridges saying, “go to his grave. take a rose. a red one. there is no peace in this world” backwards and painting KISS makeup on the office pug.

Thus, we can now, without a doubt confirm, and this will undoubtedly be confirmed by Chameleon aka Scully, in the next couple of hours, that Chris is very much the son of Bles. The real news here is that Sunette is not… the son of Bles.

Wait, what’s that just in…

Oh, “elaborate social experiment” you say?

According to News24, Chameleon has posted a 44-minute long video (by just I mean at least 44 minutes ago because surely nobody watches the whole thing) in which Chris admits that his father’s name is Dawid (Duchoveny?) and that the above mentioned post was part of an elaborate social experiment.

Channel24 went on to say that they had “repeatedly tried to contact Chris Chameleon and his team to get clarity on his vague social media post to ensure fair and accurate reporting. Chris never responded to any requests for comment.”

Shame guys, Chris pulling a Bles on you and not returning your calls? You could always gently admonish him twenty years later.

But hey, it’s Friday, he probably made that video on the way to Durbs with Agent Scully to investigate the effects of dolphin piss on, well, just about everything it seems. I wonder if it could get lipstick off a pug.

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