The final season of Game of Thrones hits our screens on 15 April. Join us as we work our way through the first seven seasons, one episode at a time.
If you missed any of the previous recaps, follow these links to catch up. If you’re only joining us now, catch up with the previous seasons here:
- Betrayals, beheadings and dragons – season one recap
- The night is dark, Jon Snow knows nothing – season two recap
- The Lannisters send their regards – season three recap
- Lannisters have regrets – season four recap (Regrets. Get it?)
The title of this recap is three-fold because there are three women out to get revenge in season five. Well, four, if you include Sansa but she’s still too weak in this season to realise that she deserves revenge.
Also, we’re not fond of referring to women as girls, but the line was originally meant for Arya, who really is still a girl, so we’ll let it slide.
Arya kills the first name on her list, Cersei wants revenge on the high Sparrow for making her do a walk of shame, Danaerys is taken prisoner by the dothraki horde who left after Drogo does, so she is out for revenge too.
And Sansa will eventually realise that she wants to revenge Ramsay all the way from here to the seven hells. That’s a mouthful, let’s see what else happens during season five.
The Lannisters are pretty much falling apart after Tywin’s death. Doesn’t really help that they have enemies everywhere. Jaime is trying to redeem himself after the loss of his hand. He gets fitted with a fancy golden hand and gets Bronn to teach him how to fight with his left hand.
Cersei orchestrated with the new religious militant in town, The Sparrow, to arrest Queen Margaery (oh yes, she’s married to Tommin now after Joff died) and Loras Tyrell for debauchery. The Sparrow looks either like Pope Francis or Bernie Sanders, we can’t quite decide.
But it backfires on her, she’s thrown in the cells two for her incestuous relationship with Lancel Lannister, who’s now a Sparrow and confessed to his previous evil ways. Cersei fakes her way into redemption and gets to go home, but has to walk naked through the streets. She might be a bit upset about that…
Watch: Cersei’s walk of shame (NSFW)
Remember Oberyn’s death in season four? Yeah his girlfriend Ellaria Sand is not happy about that. All throughout the season she tries to kill Myrcella, Cersei’s daughter who lives in Dorne.
Jaime and Bronn heads out to Dorne to save Myrcella. After a bit of fighting and stabbings and a few deaths, they all agree civilly that Myrcella will return to King’s Landing. But of course you can’t trust the Sands, they end up poisoning Myrcella and she dies in Jaime’s arms. Whoops.
Watch: Jaime and Bronn roadtrips to Dorne
In the North
Littlefinger tricks Sansa into believing that marrying Ramsay Bolton (he’s been unbastardised after using Reek to bring down the Greyjoys) is in her best interest and for the greater good – to get Winterfell back.
We know though that Littlefinger only cares about himself and poor Sansa suffers tremendously as Ramsay wife. She manages to escape with Theon during Stannis’ attack on Winterfell.
Before riding to Winterfell, Stannis had his daughter, Shireen, burned at the stake because he believed sacrificing her would bring him victory. Remember how Gendry’s blood led to the death of his enemies? We’re leaving a clip of the scene here, but yoh. It’s bad.
Watch: Shireen’s sacrifice (and it was in vain too)
In season three, Yara sets out to save her brother. But when she finds him at the dog kennels at Winterfell, he refuses to go with her. Theon is loyal to Ramsay, even that loyalty is out of fear.
At the Wall (and beyond)
Winter is coming
Jon Snow is voted in as the 998th Commander of the Nights’ Watch. He wants to reunite the Crows with the Wildlings because he believes if he just lets them die North to the wall, their corpses will be reanimated by the Night King.
Unfortunately they are attacked at one of the villages beyond the Wall and the Night King does in fact manage to add thousands of corpses to his army. Hey, at least the giant Wun Wun escaped with Jon and a handful of others.
Watch: The Night King attacks Hardhome
Back at the wall, Sam and Gilly are sent to the Citadel so Sam can train to become a Maester after Maester Aemon dies. The Crows are also still mad at Jon. They tell him they have news about his long-lost uncle Benjen, only to be stabbed to death by the men of the Night’s watch.
Yes, stabbed to death. They each took a turn and then Ollie dealt the final stab to the heart. Ja well. I almost stopped watching the damn series when that happened. Anywho. Moving on.
Watch: Jon Snow dies (for now)
Arya finally found Jaqen H’ghar. Remember he can change faces? Yes, he’s a Faceless Man who serves the Many-Faced God and Arya begins her training at the House of Black and White.
It doesn’t go too well for her and the training is brutal. She also to give up her identity, something extremely hard to do because she still wants to avenge those who killed the Starks.
She ends up killing Meryn Trant from her list but is struck with blindness for taking his life without consent from the Many-Faced God.
Watch: Arya kills pedophile Meryn Trant (graphic warning)
The Queen of Mereen
Over in Mereen, Dany rules from her pyramid castle. Tyrion made its way over to Mereen along with Jorah. She keeps Tyrion but banishes poor Jorah again.
The Sons of the Harpy’s attack; Dany and her group are on the verge of being killed with Drogon swoops in. He’s been missing for a few episodes. She climbs on his back and flies for the first time, away from all the fighting.
Watch: Dany and Drogon escape
Epic scene, finally flying a dragon, but a bit of a dick mood leaving her friends to make it out of the fray alive. She ends in the wilderness with Drogo where a Dothraki Khalasar captures her and takes her back Vaes Dothrak. Drogon disappeared again.
Can’t trust a dragon to have your back when you need him, it seems.
Watch: Man of Recaps – Season 5